Music & Lyrics

My New Invention

I went to the patent office just the other day
To get a patent for my new invention
The lady behind the counter said, "What have you got?"
I said, "I've come up with
A baby shredder."
She said, "Do you mean you want to get a patent for
A tiny version of a paper shredder?"
I said, "You've a misconception of exactly what my baby shredder does.
It shreds whole babies.

Today there's a problem we can't ignore
We see people victimized more and more
Identity theft can cost you lots of cash
You must take precautions, whatever you do
You don't want a criminal tailing you
And finding an un-shredded baby in your trash."

I saw from her shocked expression this could take a while
And would be harder than I first expected
I said, "If you please, a moment to acquaint you with
The many features of my baby shredder.

The slot on the top has been streamlined
It's three times as wide as the paper kind
That was a fault of previous designs
The baby solids get freeze-dried
The baby fluids seep down the side
Through durable long-lasting copper lines.
You can shred up to four babies before emptying the bag
Of this, I'm sure
You can shred up to six if they're premature."

The next thing I knew, I was lying face down on the street
My blueprints everywhere
I needed sixteen stitches
I'm certain the guard who punched and kicked me
Never had invented anything in his pathetic lifetime.
My only regret is I never told the lady there
My shredder also works on cats and puppies
I thought that she seemed so nice at first, but I was wrong
You just can' reason with
Those closed-minded baby lovers.

My New Invention
MP3 sample!